


Supposed to be sunny

by buckdiaz



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, M/M, Overdose, Suicide Attempt, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckdiaz/pseuds/buckdiaz
Summary: Please read the tags and only read if you think you're up for it."TK couldn’t wait to be high again. Just this one last time. The urge never fucking went away and it was so painful to feel everything all the time. He’d much rather be floating away. "
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 14
Kudos: 161





	Supposed to be sunny

_”Carlos_

_I’m so sorry for entering your world. There’s been many moments where I’ve wondered why I was saved that day just to be brought into your life and cause nothing but upset and harm. I’m so sorry, I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. I tried, I really tried._

_You are the brightest, most wonderful person I’ve ever met and I love you. I love you so much. That’s why I have to go. There is this monster inside me and if I continue to stay it will get to you too. I’d never forgive myself for that._

_I’m so sorry for bringing my darkness and my monster into your home. I hope that you move on quickly and shine as brightly as you do now. You deserve the world and you will get it. Forget that I was ever a blip on your radar._

_Maybe in another life I can be the one you deserve._

_TK”_

Sniffling as he finished writing the letter, TK folded it up neatly and put it into the envelope on the table. Taking a breath, he looked out his bedroom window and smiled. The rain was clearing up and he could see the sun starting to shine through the clouds. Everything would be right soon. Even mother nature could feel it. 

Writing down Carlos’s name on the front of the envelope, TK picked up the one that had ‘dad’ written on the front and stood up from his desk chair. Placing the two letters down on his neatly made bed, TK walked back to the desk and pushed the chair in. Turning off the desk lamp, TK straightened up the pen he’d used to write. Everything needed to be perfect. It would make everything easier when his dad would clear out his room after he was gone. 

There was this constant humming in his brain and it made him feel so calm. Grabbing his bag, TK turned off the lights in the room. ”Dad? I’m going now. I love you, bye” TK shouted as he walked away from his bedroom, down the hall and towards the front door. ”Love you too, stay safe out there today!” Owen shouted back from the bathroom. TK chuckled a bit as he closed the front door. His dad had no idea. 

In stead of starting his walk towards the station, TK headed the other way. One day when he’d been exploring he had found a beautiful clearing. There was even some wild flowers growing around there and TK knew that is where it needed to happen. He was almost skipping in his steps as he walked there. The freedom of knowing he’d be gone soon was possibly the biggest high of all. 

TK couldn’t wait to be high again. Just this one last time. The urge never fucking went away and it was so painful to feel everything all the time. He’d much rather be floating away. 

Coming up to the clearing, TK smiled as he looked up at the sky. The sun was really shining now. Letting out a breath, he sat down on the wet ground, crossed his legs and bit his lip as he excitedly put his bag on his lap and opened it. Grinning at the content, he grabbed the bottle of vodka and put it down on the ground. 

His hand shook as he grasped the bottle of pills. Memories of past times flashing through his mind. Memories of dancing on the streets of New York with his friends, kissing in the clubs to pass the pills between themselves and taking shot after shot, feeling the buzzing grow stronger from all the alcohol. 

Popping the cap open, TK poured six into his hand before throwing them into his mouth as he grabbed the vodka, unscrewed the top and took a huge gulp. The familiar burn off the vodka going down his throat made TK shake his head, making him feel dizzy. Taking another huge swig off it, TK whimpered as he swallowed and coughed. Tipping the pill bottle again, TK just poured more pills into his hand before popping them in his mouth, not bothering to see how many it was. It didn’t matter. 

Tilting his head back as he chugged on the vodka, TK frowned as he saw that the clouds were back. Now he was confused. Where did the sun go? Putting the pill bottle on the ground, TK stood up shakily. ”Where’d you go? You’re supposed to be here now” TK mumbled as he looked around at the sky. TK yelled out and threw the almost empty bottle of vodka with all his might. He heard it shatter at the same time as he heard a scream. 

Tilting his head to the side, TK looked confused towards the trees. ”Hello?” he called out as he started walking over. ”Anybody there?” he called out again. The pills were definitely kicking in now. That was the beauty of being sober TK figured. Your body was so used to being clean you got high a lot quicker than normal. ”Stay away from me!” TK heard a voice say quietly. 

”It’s okay, I’m a firefighter” TK chuckled and stumbled into a tree. ”was you name?” TK mumbled as he dropped down to the ground and rested back against the tree. Humming, TK licked his lips and tried to open his eyes that were closed out of nowhere. The person he’d seen was speaking again but TK ignored the voice and looked up at the leaves. They were so green. He couldn’t stop smiling, he was finally floating again. He was going to be free now. 

—

Carlos was out on patrol with his partner when they got a call about public drinking in a residential neighborhood. Seeing as they were close, they radioed in and told dispatch they’d respond. Turning on the sirens, Carlos sped up. 

Pulling up at the address, they were met by a young woman who was clearly shaken up. ”Ma’am, can you tell me what happened?” Carlos asked as he looked around. ”I was out walking my dog when I head a shout and out of nowhere a bottle nearly hit me so I screamed and then he started coming over” Carlos put his hand on her shoulder. ”Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?” He asked as he couldn’t see any obvious injuries. ”No I’m fine, he didn’t. I didn’t think he meant to hit me or anything, he is for sure high or drunk our of his mind, he just kept mumbling something about being a firefighter and asking what my name was” The woman sniffled. 

Carlos felt his blood turn to ice and his stomach to stone. ”Where’s the man?” He asked urgently. As soon as the woman pointed towards the trees, Carlos started running. ”Dispatch this is Officer Reyes, I need medical at my current position, we have a possible overdose, we need medics now!” He screamed into the radio. ”Doug! Bring the narcan” He screamed back at his partner. 

”Fuck, fuck, please, don’t let it be him” Carlos mumbled as he stumbled into the trees. He froze as he saw TK slumped over. Hearing TK moan, Carlos jumped back into action and laid TK down on the ground. ”TK! Open your eyes! Stay awake!” Carlos screamed as he rubbed his knuckles hard down on TK’s sternum. ”Fuck, TK” Carlos said as he grabbed TK’s wrist and felt for a pulse. 

”ETA on the medics?” Carlos asked Doug as he came up to them. ”Three minutes. Is that…?” Doug asked shocked. ”Give me the fucking narcan now!” Carlos yelled. ”Dispatch this is Reyes, tell the medics to step on it. I can barely detect a pulse, about to administer narcan now” Carlos said into the radio and took the narcan from Doug’s hand. 

”Come on, baby, don’t you dare do this to me” Carlos whispered as he ripped open the paper holding the nasal syringe. Popping off the cap on the syringe and the medicine, Carlos quickly put the syringe together before pressing up into TK’s nose and pressing it in. ”Narcan has been administered into left nostril. Where are the fucking medics?!” Carlos asked into the radio as he handed off the used syringe to Doug. 

Wiping his eyes, Carlos checked TK’s pulse again. It was still weak. ”Help me get him up and out of here. It’ll save time when the ambulance gets here” Carlos said as he jumped up and put his hands under TK’s armpits. Doug grabbed TK’s legs without question and they carried him out of the trees and towards the patrol car. Lying TK down on the ground, Carlos got down on his knees and checked that TK was still breathing. 

Thankfully, he was. Carlos rubbed his knuckles down on TK’s sternum again to try and get more of a reaction from him. There was nothing except the occasional deep moan that Carlos knew was more to do with TK’s body trying to cope with the situation than it was TK trying to speak. Hearing the sirens of the ambulance coming closer and closer, Carlos could feel that he was about to loose it. 

Sniffling and wiping his eyes as the paramedics came over, Carlos looked up at Michelle. ”He got 4mg of narcan about two minutes ago, he’s got a pulse and he is breathing but it’s shallow. There was an empty bottle of vodka at the scene and patient has a history of oxy abuse” Carlos explained as he backed away and watched as Michelle and her team took over. 

Quickly turning around, he doubled over and puked up everything he had in his stomach. When he was finished, he wiped his mouth and walked back over just in time to see TK do a slight grimace before he was turned on his side and he too was puking. Carlos crossed his arms over his chest to stop them from shaking so much. 

”Carlos, we’re taking him to the hospital now” Michelle said while Tim and Nancy got TK into the ambulance. ”I’m coming with” he said and looked over at Doug. Getting a nod back, he pushed past Michelle and climbed into the ambulance. 

—

Blinking, TK opened his eyes and looked around. ”TK, that’s it, wake up, can you look at me?” TK frowned, was that Michelle? Finding her face, TK blinked again and when he opened his eyes he saw Carlos standing behind her. Feeling a rush up his stomach, TK grimaced and was thankful for the hands that helped him turn slightly and held a puke bag up to his mouth. His eyes were stinging with tears as he dropped his head back and coughed. 

He had failed. Again. 

Bringing his hands up to his face, TK choked back a sob. ”TK, I need you to answer my questions okay?” Michelle said as she grabbed one of TK’s hands and gave it a squeeze. ”What did you take?” She asked while grabbing a tissue so TK could wipe his face. ”Leave me alone” TK whispered and turned his head away. ”I can’t do that, TK, I need to know what you took so I can treat it correctly” Michelle told him patiently. ”They’ll do blood work at the hospital but it would help a lot if you could tell us now” she added. TK just squeezed his eyes shut. ”Guys, get him up on the gurney and ready for transport” Michelle said as she patted TK’s hand. 

Once all the jolting had stopped, TK opened his eyes and stared blankly down on his hands. There was a pulse monitor on his finger. Jumping slightly as the doors to the ambulance was slammed shut, TK looked up and saw Carlos sitting next to Michelle. 

”It was supposed to be sunny today” TK whispered and blinked at them a few times before grimacing as sobs shook his body. ”I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” TK said, loud, gut-wrenching sobs tearing out of him. Carlos cried as he sat down on the bed and hugged TK tightly. ”I’m so sorry” TK cried as he clung to Carlos. Carlos just tightened his hold on TK, not trusting his voice. And he wasn’t even sure what to say anyway. That it was okay? That TK would be okay? Carlos didn’t want to lie so he just held him and looked heartbroken over at Michelle. He hoped they would be okay.


End file.
